Hey guys,
honestly I wanted to write about something completely different today, like a recent shopping haul or my first festival experience, but these posts have to wait.
I want to blog about something that is really affecting me and matters right now. Relationships and life goals I guess?!
I've been out dancing and partying quite a few times in the last few days and even though it was always awesome I've noticed a few things.
I've recently thought that I am the only human being on earth without a real life plan or a boy / girlfriend. I know that this is not true but sometimes it seems like it and I absolutely hate it. Why are so many couples kissing on the dance floor? Am I seriously the only one without someone special? I love my best friend and I love hanging out with her, I like her boyfriend and I get along with him really well. But why do I feel like a complete outsider when I am with them? Even though there are other single people around me. I feel like I have a big sign across my face which says: I'm single and I can't find someone. Why? I absolutely don't know.
The smile on my friends' face when she talks about her boyfriend is amazing and I am honestly happy for her, but at the same time I am jealous. Not in an I-want-to-have-your-boyfriend way, more like in a I want to have SOMEONE as well-way. If this makes any sense.
I know that it is okay to be single at 21, and that your 20s should be about having fun, but why can't I have any when there are couples around me? Because that is something I want to have. I don't want to go home drunk and sleep alone. I want someone who I can cuddle with. I want someone to talk about, to be happy about, someone who makes every love song real.
How do you meet someone like this? I have school and work and other responsibilities that take up most of my time, but of course I go out, meet new people and I believe that I'm quite out-going but there is never someone who gives me butterflies. And when that happens my self esteem drops to the ground and I realise every flaw I have. Am I not as pretty as my friends? Am I not as funny as the girl the guy I fancy is talking to? Will I end up alone? Those are stupid questions to ask yourself but it still happens. Especially in moments when it's supposed to be fun which makes it even worse.
Another thing that happens is that it seems like everyone has their life figured out but me. I know that I want to go to Uni, but I struggle with my motivation letter. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to get there. And again, I know that those feelings and thoughts are normal and a lot of people have them but once more, it appears that I'm the only one.
When I scroll through my Instagram feed life always seems beyond compare for other people. Nice vacations, the perfect boy / girlfriend, the perfect house, the perfect friends and the perfect clothes. I always feel like less of a person with a good and mostly stable life, but nothing is perfect.
I hate these feelings and that I struggle so much, that I sometimes just want to get away and start fresh in a place where noone knows my name, even though this won't solve anything.
I want to blog about something that is really affecting me and matters right now. Relationships and life goals I guess?!
I've been out dancing and partying quite a few times in the last few days and even though it was always awesome I've noticed a few things.
I've recently thought that I am the only human being on earth without a real life plan or a boy / girlfriend. I know that this is not true but sometimes it seems like it and I absolutely hate it. Why are so many couples kissing on the dance floor? Am I seriously the only one without someone special? I love my best friend and I love hanging out with her, I like her boyfriend and I get along with him really well. But why do I feel like a complete outsider when I am with them? Even though there are other single people around me. I feel like I have a big sign across my face which says: I'm single and I can't find someone. Why? I absolutely don't know.
The smile on my friends' face when she talks about her boyfriend is amazing and I am honestly happy for her, but at the same time I am jealous. Not in an I-want-to-have-your-boyfriend way, more like in a I want to have SOMEONE as well-way. If this makes any sense.
I know that it is okay to be single at 21, and that your 20s should be about having fun, but why can't I have any when there are couples around me? Because that is something I want to have. I don't want to go home drunk and sleep alone. I want someone who I can cuddle with. I want someone to talk about, to be happy about, someone who makes every love song real.
How do you meet someone like this? I have school and work and other responsibilities that take up most of my time, but of course I go out, meet new people and I believe that I'm quite out-going but there is never someone who gives me butterflies. And when that happens my self esteem drops to the ground and I realise every flaw I have. Am I not as pretty as my friends? Am I not as funny as the girl the guy I fancy is talking to? Will I end up alone? Those are stupid questions to ask yourself but it still happens. Especially in moments when it's supposed to be fun which makes it even worse.
Another thing that happens is that it seems like everyone has their life figured out but me. I know that I want to go to Uni, but I struggle with my motivation letter. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to get there. And again, I know that those feelings and thoughts are normal and a lot of people have them but once more, it appears that I'm the only one.
When I scroll through my Instagram feed life always seems beyond compare for other people. Nice vacations, the perfect boy / girlfriend, the perfect house, the perfect friends and the perfect clothes. I always feel like less of a person with a good and mostly stable life, but nothing is perfect.
I hate these feelings and that I struggle so much, that I sometimes just want to get away and start fresh in a place where noone knows my name, even though this won't solve anything.
This post may sound like self pity and it probably is, but I had to get this off my chest and where could I do it if not here, in my little personal space without getting judged by people who tell me that everything will magically work out and that life is just perfect and that I just can't see it right now?
See you,
Juley
Juley
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